she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
