And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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