I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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