Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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