She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
