the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
