Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
