You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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