I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
