just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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