I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
