at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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