I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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