I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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