if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
