what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
