Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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