Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
