my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize