that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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