so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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