when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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