i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
