so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
