I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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