walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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