Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
