So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
