i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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