Christians are straight up FREAKS
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
