Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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