woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
