don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
