I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
