Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
