Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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