I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
