i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
