there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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