thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
