Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
