when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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