We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it glows. i had to have it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
