They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
