it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.