Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole