ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian