Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?