Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.