So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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