okay pat passed out under dana's car
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!