How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
