I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
