if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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