she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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