Pappa wants mamma naked
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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