We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
