And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will be naked everywhere
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
