Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
