there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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