I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
