I need help removing her.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
