His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
