i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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