she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
