Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
