Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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