I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
