I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
