A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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