she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
