I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
