If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
