Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
